


Can't See Straight

by LadySage



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Loss of Virginity, Multi, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 20:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2038758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySage/pseuds/LadySage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year after graduation is shaping up to be a rough one for Yosuke: with his failure to get into his college of choice, all his time is spent either in cram school or working. Things seem to be looking up as he and Chie start to date, but instead that just brings him face to face with an uncomfortable truth he's been avoiding for years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't See Straight

There were two rooms at Yosuke’s cram school in Okina: while both of them were quiet during study hours, the one for current high school students was noisy and active during breaks and afterward. Every day, on his way in and out, the laughter and threads of conversations floated toward him as he walked past their door, taunting him on his way into the room for ronin.

The room was smaller, shabbier, and most importantly, quieter. Nobody wanted to be there. It was an embarrassment. _They_ were embarrassments. Everything about the situation screamed, “You fucked up, and now you’re paying for it.”

He hadn’t thought Tokai University was setting his sights too high, but judging from the situation now, he had been wrong. He was stuck in the sticks for another year, only this time spending most of his days in a joyless prison that called itself a school.

He was drifting off at his desk, pretending to study English transitive verbs, when his cell phone buzzed in his pocket. Covertly, he pulled it out and checked it under his desk. It was a message from Chie.

“Yoooo! I got 2 tix 2 see Enter the Dragon at the theater in Okina @ 9. U in?”

Nine o’clock… cram school would be out by then. He texted back, “YYYYYYYYYYY” and slipped his phone back into his pocket. Now, reenergized by his evening plans, he would get back to his studies with a renewed vigor and -

“I’LL WASH _______________ (CIRCLE CORRECT ANSWER BELOW),” his worksheet queried.

His face started to droop back down toward his desk. Never mind. 

* * *

 

“Man, did Okamura-sensei really have to yell at me for that long?” he grumbled to himself as he jogged along the road toward the theater. He was pretty sure Chie would literally kill him if he made her miss her precious martial arts.

It was 9:10 by the time he ran up in front of the theater, slowing to a halt in front of Chie.

“Sorry… I’m… late,” he panted.

“Chill out. The movie doesn’t start until 9:30.”

“What the HELL? Why did you tell me 9:00 then?”

“Because you’re ALWAYS late! How many times have we missed the start of a movie because YOU couldn’t stay awake in class?”

Yosuke opened his mouth to argue, but found he couldn’t. “Fair point…”

As they took their seats, Chie complained, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages! Does cram school really take up that much time?”

Yosuke sighed. “Cram school, studying at home, working at Junes to pay back cram school tuition. My parents were so pissed when I didn’t get into college, it feels more like they’re punishing me than trying to make sure I get in next year. They even took my scooter so I have to ride my bike everywhere again. It’s humiliating.”

“That sucks! I have the opposite problem… ever since I dropped out of the academy, I’ve had too much free time. Sometimes I help Yukiko out, but I’m no good at that kind of work so they get tired of me being there pretty quick. Naoto, Rise, and Kanji are all still busy with school and their own stuff so they can’t hang out all that much. It’s the worst!” She caught Yosuke’s glare and laughed sheepishly. “Well, maybe not quite the worst, but it sucks. A lot. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Wait, when did you drop out of training? I thought that was your dream these days.”

“You didn’t know? It was like a month ago. It was all just tests, tests, tests.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Plus, they told me since I’m a girl I’ll probably just do things like direct traffic and stay in the koban.” She took a sip of her soda and shrugged. “So, I quit.”

“I can’t believe that happened a month ago and nobody told me.”

“Yeah, well, like you said, you’ve been super busy, hardly any of us have seen you in a while.” She grew quiet for a moment. “I’ve kind of…missed you. Oh, shh, it’s starting!” The lights dimmed around them.

He had seen _Enter the Dragon_ probably a half dozen times before, so he knew the story well. But no matter how many times he’d seen it, Bruce Lee enthralled him. His acting, his moves, his grace…

_Oh no._

He could feel that familiar heat rising up within him, taking hold of his body and brain. _Why now?_ he thought in a panic, looking around frantically for something that could have subconsciously triggered this…

And there, next to him, was Chie, her legs protruding from her short skirt, smooth and muscular. For all the grief he had given her, she was cute, especially with her hair grown out to her shoulders. And now that he thought about it, she had been one of his best friends since he moved to Inaba.

 _She said she missed me._ And, truth be told, he had missed her too.

Yes, that had to be it. Chie was the cause of this reaction.

* * *

“Pow! Bang!”

“Are you seriously making sound effects for your punches? God, you’re like a little kid.”

She paused mid-kick to glare at him. “You wanna pay for your own ticket next time?”

He gulped. “Please forgive me, sensei!” He bowed as if to the master of a dojo.

“That’s more like it.” She smiled, and Yosuke’s heart thudded. _Super cute_.

Chie mounted her motorcycle, which she had parked outside the theater. “The last train is probably gone by now. Hop on, I’ll give you a ride home.”

“What, ride behind you? No way, that’s so unmanly!”

She made a face. “Okay, have fun spending the night in the train station. That’s soooo much more manly.”

Grumbling, Yosuke climbed on behind her. “You know how to get to my house?” Images flashed through his mind of inviting Chie up, having her spend the night, and everything that involved.

Chie, on the other hand, was totally oblivious to what was going through his head. “Yeah, we’ve hung out there enough times that I can figure it out from here. Now, hang on!”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, still grousing about about his masculinity, albeit more for show than any real objection. It was a miracle she didn’t notice how hard his heart was thumping through his chest.

“Let’s go!” Chie shouted, and they took off into the night.

When they pulled up in front of Yosuke’s house, he dropped to his knees. “I made it back alive! Thank god! I never thought I’d see my parents’ faces again!”

“Shut up, I’m not that bad a driver!”

“If someone made a ride like that at an amusement park, they’d get shut down for traumatizing people.”

“Fine, you can have a nice slow walk home next time.” She hopped off the motorcycle. “Hey, can I have some water? I think a bug flew in my mouth while I was driving.”

They walked in, and Chie waited in the vestibule while Yosuke filled a cup with water from the fridge. _I should make a move before I lose my nerve,_ he told himself. _I mean, that’s why I never got any play in high school, right? I never had the guts to ask someone out seriously. Not Saki-sempai, not…_ Shit, he was spilling everywhere.

“Thanks a ton,” she said when he handed it to her, and drained it in one gulp. “Why is your hand wet?”

“Oh, no reason.” He laughed nervously and wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Okay… Anyway, I better be getting home. See you later!”

Shitshitshit! He reached out and grabbed her arm. “Chie, wait.” He moved closer, unsure of what to do next. Might as well just go in for the kiss…

“What are you doing?” He stopped cold, his face a few inches from hers.

“Uhhh...nothing!! Nothing!! Just a little lightheaded, haha…” I’m an idiot.

“Dude, I just told you I swallowed a bug.” She handed him her glass and walked outside. “Not a great time to try to kiss me. But,” she added, strapping on her helmet and smiling shyly, “if you want to tell everyone today was a date, you can.” She revved her motorcycle on. “Well, goodnight.”

Yosuke stared at her as she drove off. _I should say something._ “I’ll text you!” he shouted at her back. Too late, moron. He stood at the doorway, still in his socks, watching the red light retreat until it disappeared around the corner.

* * *

After two months of dating, Yosuke felt ready to say that Chie was the best thing that had ever happened to him. His parents, seeming oddly excited at the prospect of him dating, allowed him more free time and, after one particularly successful practice exam, gave him back his scooter.

The reaction of their friends was general unsurprise; it seemed most of them saw it as an inevitability more than anything else. However, a few whispered implied threats from Yukiko still caused Yosuke to wake up at night in a cold sweat a couple times a month and when he texted Yuu to make sure he was okay with his best friend dating his ex-girlfriend, Yuu had simply responded, “If you hurt her, I’ll kill you.” He couldn’t figure out whether the cliche was meant as a joke or an honest threat.

She was also appealingly bold in their relationship. On their second date - steak for two and a walk along the river - she pulled his face down to hers by his headphone cord and kissed him. It was his first kiss, but not hers, and it showed. She was good at it, too, and Yosuke wondered if Yuu had been this good as well.

He was worried about whether he stacked up, of course.

Definitely no other reason.

Still, life was good, better than it had been in a long while. After all, it’s not every day you get to second base in a broom closet in Junes.

The day of their two month anniversary, they decided not to have a big date. They were both pretty broke – Chie had no income whatsoever, and most of Yosuke’s paychecks went toward cram school. So, instead of doing anything special, they decided to just watch some movies in Yosuke’s room. He had rented _The Avengers_ for the occasion.

“ _Avengers_? That’s not very romantic,” Chie commented as she popped the tops off of two bottles of Zima, handing one to Yosuke.

“Yeah, like you have a romantic bone in your body.”

“Sure I do! What would you call the other day in Junes?”

Yosuke blushed at the memory. There were a lot of words he could use to describe that day, but he wasn’t sure “romantic” was one of them. “And what incredibly romantic movie did you bring tonight?”

She looked to the side, avoiding eye contact. “ _Ichi_ ,” she muttered.

“Oh yeah, soooooo romantic!” He launched himself at her, tickling her mercilessly as she squealed and laughed, trying to get away. A few squirms and, purely by chance, his hand slid up her skirt. Both of them froze.

“Fuck, I’m sorry!” He pulled his hand away and scrambled backward. “That was totally an accident.”

“No, it’s okay.” Chie smoothed her hair, red-faced. “I didn’t really mind. Really, I’ve been wondering why you haven’t tried anything like that yet. You’ve been kinda shy about making a move since that first night…”

This left Yosuke at a loss for words. Why hadn’t he tried anything? When sex had been a sort of an abstract, unobtainable concept, he never stopped thinking about it. But now that he had this cute girl who was willing to, no, wanted to touch him and wanted him to touch her, it never occurred to him to push things to the next step.

“I guess I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he lied. “A-anyway, let’s get going with movie night! Woo!” He shoved the _Ichi_ DVD into the player and took a gulp of Zima.

Chie leaned back and rested her head against his shoulder. Yosuke tried to get into the movie, but their conversation kept running through his head. He weakly echoed Chie’s reactions, laughing and gasping whenever she did, but the disquietude welled up within him, making it impossible to focus on the plot. There was a blind girl… with a sword… she wanted to kill herself… but then she didn’t? He didn’t know.

By the time the film ended, Chie was wiping tears away. “Man, that was so good. Samurai films aren’t quite as good as kung-fu, but she was so cool.”

“Yeah, pretty cool…” And before he could stop himself, “Hey Chie… did you and Narukami ever, you know… do it?”

“What? Why are you asking that?” She sighed and tucked a stray lock of hair back behind her ear. “Actually, I guess you have a right to ask since we’re dating. Yeah, a few times. Why?”

“Just curious, I guess,” Yosuke said, trying to ignore the jealousy welling up in his chest. “A-anyway, let’s put on the next movie, heh heh.”

“Aw man, yes! I wanted to see this when it came out but I think we were all too busy with the murder case. I saw all the movies leading up to it though. I kept waiting for a Black Widow movie to come out. Do you know if they ever made one in America?”

“Nah, I don’t think so. Too bad, I could watch Scarlett Johansson in a black leather catsuit for hours…”

“Pervert.”

“All men are perverts, Chie. Don’t you know that by now?” She elbowed him in the ribs, but then leaned in close.

The conversation lulled, and they fell into the movie. About twenty minutes in, as the camera zoomed in lovingly on Captain America punching a bag from behind, Yosuke found himself, once again, reacting in a way he could no longer call unexpected, but still filled him with a deep sense of dread. That dread turned to panic as he noticed Chie’s hand starting to inch up his thigh. What would happen if she noticed? She would figure him out and that would be the end of everything.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” she whispered, her lips brushing against his ear.

He prayed she didn’t notice as everything within him, everything instinctive and everything learned and everything he thought he knew about himself and everything he was starting to think he had been wrong about and everything he felt the need to prove and everything he didn’t want proven, battled. In his mind, he thought he could hear Shadow Yosuke laughing at him as he whispered, his voice soft and a little desperate, “Don’t stop.”

So she didn’t stop, not as she unbuttoned his pants and he unbuttoned her shirt, not as she kissed his neck and he fumbled with her bra until she got frustrated and popped it off herself with two fingers, and not as she took his virginity on the bare tatami mats of his bedroom floor, leaving patterns across his back from his neck to his thighs. In the background, skyscrapers fell as the Avengers fought off the invading aliens, unnoticed by both of them.

* * *

 

The next day, Yosuke ditched cram school, instead heading to Tatsumi Textiles. It was the only place he could think to go.

Kanji’s mother greeted him warmly. “Oh, Hanamura-kun! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Have you been keeping busy?”

“Yeah, still trying to get into college. Um, is Kanji around?”

“Oh yes, he’s in his room. Would you like me to call him out here?”

The idea of talking about what he had come there for in front of Kanji’s mom made Yosuke want to die a little bit. “No, I’ll go talk to him there.” He paused. “Um, where is his room?”

Mrs. Tatsumi smiled. “I’ll take you there.” As she led him into the toward the back, she asked, “Where are you studying to get into, Hanamura-kun?”

“Tokai University. Although lately I’ve been thinking maybe I should aim a bit lower.”

“It’s good to have high standards. I keep telling Kanji to study for exams, but he says he doesn’t need college to run the shop.” She sighed. “Such a stubborn child. See if you can convince him. Kanji-kun! Your friend is here!”

The door slid open. “Sempai! ‘Sup?”

“Well, I’ll leave you two boys to catch up. Call me if you need anything.” Mrs. Tatsumi shuffled back toward the storefront.

“Sorry to drop in like this.”

“Nah, it’s no problem. Come on in.” Kanji walked back in and slumped against the wall, picking up the knitting he had apparently been working on before. “Hope you don’t mind if I work on this. I’ve got a deadline.”

“Yeah, it’s no problem.” Yosuke sat at the table, but when he tried to speak, the words got lost between his brain and his mouth. Instead he said nothing, staring at the table. Kanji didn’t say anything either, and the only sound in the room was the hypnotic clacking of his needles.

“Hey, um, when did you figure out you…” Yosuke faltered mid-sentence. “Uh, you needed glasses?”

Kanji paused his knitting and looked at Yosuke over his frames. “Dude, I’ve had these for over a year now. Why the hell are you asking now?”

“Haha, I know but, uh…” Shit, why _would_ he ask now? “It… it just seems like a good thing to know! Like, how would you know if your eyesight is worse than everyone else’s? You could be half-blind and never know.”

Kanji grunted in acceptance of his explanation. “I failed my vision test when I went to get my scooter license. Never knew I couldn’t see till then. That what you came here to talk about?”

An out! “Yeah, so I guess I’ll just see you around!” He stood up to leave, then sat back down. “No, it’s not.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured.” _Clack, clack, clack_. “Well, you can talk when you’re ready. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

“Thanks.” A few more endless minutes passed, the sound of the needles as steady as the ticking of a clock. Yosuke thought he could feel his pulse match their rhythm. _Just fucking say it, you idiot. Not saying it isn’t going to change anything._ But wouldn’t it? The moment he verbalized it, the moment another human heard the words escaping his lips, it would become more concrete. Irreversible. Terrifying.

“How did you figure out you were gay?”

The needles stopped, and Yosuke swore his heart did as well. He recoiled, expecting a violent burst of anger and denial.

“Dropped a stitch. Don’t worry, I ain’t that guy anymore. You got something you wanna talk about?”

Yosuke shook his head. He wasn’t really ready for talking yet.

The clacking resumed. “When I first met you guys - when you were running around and spying like idiots - I was feeling confused ‘cause everything kept telling me I was s’posed to… I dunno… be thinking about girls and nothing else. But when I thought about girls, all I could think was how they picked on me for liking sewing and cute shit. Then I met Naoto, who was pretending to be a dude, and I just…” He paused to scratch his head. “I didn’t know what was goin’ on for a long time. But I’m not really gay.”

“You’re not?” Yosuke looked around the room. Skeins of yarn and handmade stuffed animals jostled for space on every available surface in the room.

“No, you idiot! I’ve seen you staring at Nao-chan’s tits enough to know that you’ve noticed them.”

“Oh yeah… So, you’re straight?” If he couldn’t talk to Kanji about this, who could he? Inaba was a small, conservative town, and confiding in the wrong person could be devastating.

“Nah. For me, it’s more like… Guy or girl, it doesn’t really matter. I like who I like. And Nao isn’t really a guy or a girl, so it works.”

“Right…” Yosuke remained silent as he tried to process the information and how it applied to him.

“You sure you don’t wanna tell me anything? You know what happens when you keep shit locked up inside. We all do.”

He shook his head. “Nope. Nothing. I just… have some thinking to do, is all.”

“Sure, sure. Think away. But Sempai,” Kanji locked eyes with him, “whatever you need to figure out, do it soon. Chie’s a great girl, and she doesn’t deserve to be led on.”

“I know…” Yosuke got up to leave, but stopped at the door. “Oh yeah, your mom wants me to try to get you to study for college exams.”

“Yeah, she’s been trying a lot. It ain’t happenin’.”

“Why not?”

“I’m gonna be taking over the shop for Ma, and I don’t need college for that. Hell, I’d drop outta school if I didn’t think she’d beat me shitless. B’sides, it’s a waste of time when I could be working on commissions instead.”

Yosuke chuckled. He couldn’t resist. “Yeah, I don’t think you’re smart enough to get in either.”

Kanji slammed his knitting down. “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME? JUST CAUSE I’M DRESSED LIKE A NERD DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T STILL KICK YOUR SORRY ASS!” He stood, hands balled into fists, and Yosuke noticed the muscles straining at the shoulders and sleeves of his button-down shirt.

“Shit!” Yosuke fled. He shot through the store, barely pausing to slip his feet into his shoes. “ThanksMrsTatsumiSorryItried!” he yelled over his shoulder as he ran for his life down the street, Kanji’s angry shouts echoing behind him.

* * *

Yosuke spent a lot of time for the next couple weeks thinking, and a lot of time trying not to think. He procrastinated on responding to texts. He hung out with Chie on his breaks when she showed up, but he knew she could tell he was distracted. He took to going on long scooter rides after cram school, when he even went.

A couple times he stopped in stores in Okina, far from the school and from the station, where he wouldn’t run into anyone who recognized him. He tried to convince himself to pick up a magazine featuring men, to settle it once and for all, but every time he veered off and picked up a manga anthology instead. It wasn’t that he was afraid of being seen. Well, he was, but more than that, he was afraid of proving things definitively. He wasn’t ready for that truth.

Three weeks after that night with Chie, he landed on a cheesy kung fu movie while flipping through the channels on the TV in his room. The dubbing sucked and the plot was incomprehensible, but the fights were good and there was a weird snake-lady, which was kind of cool.

The main character chucked his shirt, and suddenly Yosuke was aware that he hadn’t masturbated in three weeks and his balls ached and he was so horny he could scream and martial artists have _really defined muscles_. Unable to stand it anymore, feeling not quite in control of his body, he unzipped his pants.

It only took a few minutes for those last few shreds of doubt to disappear. Once the endorphins from the most intense orgasm he could remember eased off, he felt remarkably clear-headed. The denial was gone, replaced with gnawing anxiety over what he knew he had to do

* * *

“Hanamura! Can you tell us the atomic weight of carbonic acid?”

“Oh! Um,” Yosuke flipped through the book on his desk. The class snickered, and he realized he had his literature textbook in front of him. He dove into his backpack, but Ms. Okamura stopped him.

“I was hoping you were thinking deep thoughts about chemistry, but I guess not. Your scores have been slipping again, Hanamura. Please try to keep your mind in the classroom. We’d all rather be somewhere else, it’s not fair if your brain is the only one that gets to wander off.”

Red-faced, Yosuke slouched back into his seat. Maybe it was a bad sign. Maybe he should wait for another day to do what he had to do. He’d just go straight home, watch some TV, read some manga, and go to bed. Maybe even study a little. Okay, that was going too far.

His phone vibrated. He went to pull it out, but Ms. Okamura slammed her book onto his desk, startling him. “Here and now, Hanamura. Whatever that’s about, it’s neither here nor now.”

The phone went back into his pocket, and stayed there until class was done several hours later. The message was from Chie.

“U free 2nite? Meet me @ Daidara after u get out”

And then:

“did u get my msg? is smthg wrong?”

And then:

“r u mad @ me?”

His thumbs trembled over the keyboard, unsure of what to type. He could pretend to be mad, give himself time to make up some slight to break up with her over. He could just not respond, say he never got the messages, block her number and just avoid her until he could move.

Those were stupid ideas. They both involved hurting Chie way more than necessary. He would lose her completely that way, and probably all their other friends too.

The truth was, as always, the best choice.

So instead he texted back, “omw, c u sun”.

When he got back to Inaba, he strolled into Daidara Metalworks. Chie was nowhere to be seen. “Hello? Is anyone here? Chie?”

“Come to the back!” her voice rang out. Yosuke squeezed between a couple suits of armor and sidled behind the counter and into the back room.

There he found Chie pounding at a piece of metal with a hammer. Her hair was tied back with a band to keep any stray strands from escaping into her face. A sweatband protected her eyes from the beads of sweat the pebbled her forehead, which furrowed with effort. The hammer looked heavy, and he watched the muscles in her arm jerk as she raised it and slammed it down, over and over.

She looked so fierce and so strong. She was fierce and strong, in a way he knew few men would really be able to accept. He hoped she would be okay without him.

He hoped he would be okay without her.

“Hey Chie,” he started, but she didn’t respond. He tried again, louder this time, but she kept hammering away. He waited and when she stopped for a moment to wipe the sweat away from her forehead, he shouted as loud as he could, “CHIE!”

She jumped and as she looked up at him, he noticed how long her eyelashes were, magnified even further by droplets of sweat that looked like beads he had once watched Kanji painstakingly affix to a doll he was making for Nanako on Hina Matsuri…

_Why didn’t I appreciate all this when I thought I liked girls?_

“Yosuke!” She yanked off her headband and pulled out the earplugs he could now see she was wearing. “You startled me, idiot! You’re lucky I didn’t drop anything on my foot.”

“Sorry about that. What are you doing?”

She grinned. “I work here now! Daidara is making me his apprentice. Isn’t that awesome?”

“It… it really is!” He hugged her, but she pushed him away.

“No way, I’m super sweaty and gross right now. There’s a shower farther back. I’ll be right out.” She put the hammer on the shelf and hung her heavy leather apron on a hook, then trotted through a doorway, humming to herself.

 _She’s so happy, and I’m going to fuck it all up._ There was a Chie-sized sweat print on his front.

A few minutes later, Chie re-emerged, dressed in her normal clothes but with damp hair soaking the shoulders of her shirt. “So, what’s up?”

Of all the places to break up with a girl, especially a violently temperamental one with combat experience, a room full of fire, blunt objects, and sharp edges was probably the worst one. “Let’s go talk over by the Samegawa.”

“Sure!” She slipped her hand into his.

As they walked, she tried to strike up a conversation several times, but Yosuke could only give distracted, monosyllabic answers. By the time they reached the river, she had given up on conversing and her hand shook in his, but her grip only tightened.

The sun slid down toward the horizon as they descended the steps. She pulled her hand loose and turned to face him. “What do you want to talk about? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s not that.” He couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact

“Then what’s the matter? What happened?”

“Chie, I…” The words caught in his chest, but, voice cracking, he forced them out anyway. “Chie, you know I-I care about you, right? You’re probably the second most important person in the world to me, after Narukami. I would never hurt you on purpose.” He knew everything he was saying was cliche, but that didn’t matter. They helped him get the words out and, what’s more, they were true.

“I know…” She had begun to sense that something was wrong. She might even have heard these words before. Or even said them herself. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you? Why?”

He stared at his feet, trying to get the courage to say two words he had never said out loud to anyone, not even himself. Two words. Two syllables. “I’m gay.”

The next thing Yosuke felt was not relief, nor sadness, nor regret. It was the wind being knocked out of him, followed by a rush of cold and water invading his nose.

 _So that’s what a galactic punt feels like_ , he thought before his lungs reminded him about the lack of air. He emerged from the water, hacking and gagging.

“You could have killed me, you moron!” he choked.

“You’re _gay_?” Chie’s voice shook, but the water in his eyes blurred his vision so badly, he couldn’t tell if it was from tears or rage. Probably both, to be honest. “You couldn’t get a guy, so you went with the next best thing, huh? Cause I’m so blunt and musclebound and can’t cook, I’m practically a man, right?”

“What? _No!_ ”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Hanamura.”

“Chie, I… you…”

“Save it. I hope you catch the flu and die.” She marched away into the sunset, leaving him shivering in ankle-deep water.

“I could totally get a guy if I tried,” he grumbled to no one in particular. His sopping wet clothes dragged at him, but the temperature was dropping along with the sun. He had to get home as soon as he could, or her wish might come true.

* * *

The next morning, Yosuke woke to a terrible stomachache, making him wonder if Chie’s wish had come true. He told his mother as much, but after checking his temperature and observing a distinct lack of trips to the toilet, she diagnosed him with “not wanting to go to work itis” and threw his apron at his head.

A persistent, steady ache haunted him through his shift as he stacked cans and handed out samples. He found moments to duck away and text Chie, but only received one response to his dozen: “Fuck off before I bring my hammer to Junes and pound your head in.” The uncharacteristically perfect grammar and spelling unnerved him, and he laid off.

He didn’t know what to do. No doubt Rise would stand by Chie - she had gotten into that whole solidarity between women since she restarted her career - and Yukiko’s threats still haunted his dreams. He didn’t feel like he could talk to Kanji, really, after all that grief he’d given him, and he and Naoto had never really been that close.

He felt as alone as he had the day he moved to Inaba.

Actually, why stick to Inaba?

Praying that “If you hurt her I’ll kill you” line was just a joke, he texted Yuu. “Cn i cum crash fw nites? gng Nsane here.”

When an answer came back in the affirmative, he was already packing a bag. He decided not to tell his parents until he was on the train. They’d only try to stop him. They’d make life hell when he came home, but what difference did it make when he was already there?

He arrived in Tokyo at ten o’clock after a five hour train trip with a bag full of clothes, an empty stomach, and an empty wallet. He’d forgotten how expensive shinkansen tickets are. Luckily, Yuu was meeting him at Tokyo Station and would probably be able to spot him enough to at least get to the apartment.

He scanned the crowded station for that familiar silver bowl cut, but, as people bumped and brushed past him, he realized he wasn’t used to these kinds of crowds anymore. _Has it really been almost three years?_

“Yosuke?”

He turned to find his partner standing right there. Once-confusing emotions that he never fully made sense of came rushing back, bringing with them a new understanding. “Yuu! I was looking for you but…”

“I spotted you as soon as you came through the gates. You looked a little overwhelmed.”

“Hey, I’m as much a city boy as you are! Just because I’ve been in the sticks for the last… Oh, excuse me!” He had to stop and apologize as he walked directly into an old woman. “Okay, maybe a little overwhelmed. Barely though. Just a hair above whelmed.”

Yuu laughed. “I’m sure you’ll adjust back quickly. You need a ticket? I have a Suica card, so…”

“Oh right, about that…”

“You didn’t bring enough cash and the ATMs are all closed by now, right?”

“You got me.”

“I’m going to guess you also didn’t have enough money to get dinner on the train.”

“Yeah…”

Yuu laughed. “I know you too well. I’ll spot you if you promise to buy my lunch. Can you survive the half hour to Hiyoshi?”

“I think so. I’ll let you know if I feel like I’m going to swoon... Never mind."

Yuu only smiled in response.

The train to Hiyashi was crowded but somehow, Yuu managed to score them a pair of seats next to each other. He was as quiet as ever, and Yosuke was too tired to think of anything to talk about that wasn’t too heavy. He accepted the silence between them as comforting, familiar even, as he watched the skyscrapers of Tokyo give way to the greener landscape of Yokohama and tried to ignore the strange, annoyingly cliched fluttering sensation in his stomach.

It was only a short walk from the train to Yuu’s apartment. Yosuke’s jaw dropped as soon as they walked in.

“Dude, this place is enormous! You have it all to yourself?”

“Yeah, my parents were really happy about me getting into such a good school. Beer?”

“No thanks.” Yosuke took a seat at the table as Yuu pulled out a frying pan and a package of yakisoba. “I’m surprised you don’t live with your parents. The rent here plus tuition must be insane.”

“The commute would be too long.”

“What, they live in Chiba or something?”

“Kobe, I think. Or was it Incheon?”

“...You seriously don’t know?”

“It gets hard to keep track. You want ham?”

“Yes, please. But that sucks, dude!”

Yuu placed a plate of noodles and a pair of chopsticks in front of Yosuke and sat across from him. “I’m used to it. Actually, they’re doing it even more now that they don’t have me to slow them down. I’m just glad I get to stay in the same place for a while.”

“Jeez, I didn’t realize how rough you had it.” Yosuke took a bite of his yakisoba. “Holy shit, dude, this is incredible! What’s your secret?” He shoveled more in his mouth.

Yuu leaned forward and stared deep into Yosuke’s eyes. “The secret ingredient is… love.”

Yosuke choked on his noodles as his stomach leapt. _It’s just his sense of humor. He always jokes like that._ “Dude, don’t joke around like that.”

Yuu just laughed.

* * *

Yuu had class during the day, leaving Yosuke up to his own devices. He spent his days wandering Tokyo, going by his old haunts: the arcades, fast food restaurants and ramen shops, the karaoke parlors. He even stopped by his dad’s old Junes, just in case someone would remember him. No one did. Most of the places were the same, with the exception of his favorite ramen joint being converted to a snack bar, but no one recognized him. He didn’t recognize anyone there either.

Tokyo was lonelier now than Inaba had ever been.

Evenings were better. Yuu would come home with takeout, or cook them dinner, or text Yosuke to meet him and his friends somewhere. He’d been trepidatious about hanging out with a bunch of students from such a high-ranked universities, but Yuu managed to make sure he was always at ease.

He studiously avoided the subject of what had happened with Chie and why he had left Inaba. Yuu didn’t ask. He was good at respecting boundaries like that.

It was Saturday, five days into Yosuke’s impulse trip. He spent most of the day watching bad daytime TV, waiting for Yuu to either come home or text him inviting him out. But an hour before his friend was due home, an impulse overtook him. He texted Yuu, telling him he was out and would be back late.

He ironed his button-down shirt, took a train to Shinjuku, and waited in the park for night to fall.

Last time he’d been in Tokyo, before he moved to Inaba, he’d been way too young for clubs. Anything like that was out of the question in Inaba. Up until now, the only place even remotely along those lines was the club on Tatsumi Port Island, and even that was… tame. Tonight, he had something completely different in mind.

And indeed, the Shinjuku Ni-chome club was completely different from the tiny, mostly empty, nonalcoholic hole in the wall. Loud music thrummed, confusing his heartbeat, and bright lights shifted color continuously in time with the music. There was a bar - no doubt this one actually served alcohol - surrounded by people holding glasses and bottles. On the floor, couples of all permutations danced. Men with women, women with women, and - Yosuke swallowed hard - men with men.

But that was what he came for, right?

 _...Now what?_ He could buy a drink, but visions of the bartender demanding to see his ID and throwing him out stopped him. Asking someone to dance was an even scarier proposition. This was a mistake. He needed to leave, get out of there, go back to the apartment where it was quiet and safe, or back to Inaba and he could continue to meld in…

“Hanamura?”

A voice edged with familiarity cut through his anxiety. He couldn’t quite place it, but then he saw the wavy black hair cut to frame his face and the long bangs that stopped just above his dark, unreadable eyes…

“Katsuragi! W-what are you doing here?”

Katsuragi smiled, and Yosuke remembered the confused, vaguely anxious feelings he’d gotten every time his phone chimed when he first moved to Inaba and he was the only one who kept in touch. “The same thing you’re doing here, I imagine.”

“Oh. Right.” Yosuke shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. This was probably the most awkward place possible to run into someone unexpected who he hadn’t seen in years. “Do you come here often?” _What am I doing?_

“Occasionally. I didn’t know you were back in Tokyo. You going to school here?”

Yosuke considered lying and listing one of the dozens of mid-tier colleges he probably could have made it into, but reconsidered. Why bother? “Not yet. I tried but…” He shrugged.

“Ah, the ronin life. I feel that. Hey, do you want a drink? On me.”

“Yeah, a, um… rum and Coke.” It was the only drink he could think of off the top of his head.

“Sure, be right back.”

Katsuragi returned a few minutes later, holding two glasses, one full of dark liquid and one clear. “A rum and coke for you, a gin and tonic for me. Kampai.”

“Kampai.” They clinked glasses, and Yosuke tried desperately not to make a face as he took a sip, fully aware of Katsuragi’s eyes on him. _Should I flirt? How do you flirt with another guy?_

But then Katsuragi asked him about his life in Inaba, and he started talking about the town and his friends. Katsuragi told him about what all their friends were up to and his university in Chiba, where he was studying International Communications. It was a pleasant, refreshingly normal conversation, but after his second drink, Yosuke was finding himself distracted by the slight sloshing sensation every time he moved his head, the flashing lights, and how attracted he was to Katsuragi.

“Do you want to dance?”

A few weeks ago, he would have been intensely uncomfortable at being asked this. A few days ago, he probably would have freaked out. A few hours ago, he would have probably made up some excuse. But that’s what alcohol was for.

“Uh, yeah!” He let Katsuragi lead him to the dance floor, where he found himself unable to do anything more graceful but shift his weight back and forth. He had never tried to dance before and, it turned out, wasn’t very good at it.

Katsuragi laughed. “Here, let me help you.” He faced Yosuke and placed his hands on his shoulders. “The beat’s more important than the melody. You feel that?” He tapped his fingers to the thudding bass. “Just let your body move with it. You can start small.”

Yosuke tried to take his advice, and as the alcohol sank into his system, found that it was actually working. Instead of just feeling it in his chest, he felt it moving through his whole body.

“There you go, you’re getting it.” And Katsuragi moved, shifting behind him, his hands on his hips. The club, once so intimidating and confusing, was now the only place Yosuke wanted to be. The breakup, cram school, his looming return to Inaba, none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was the bass, his heart, and the heat of Katsuragi’s body against his, all moving to the same beat. He could feel the other boy’s breath hot against his neck, his lips occasionally just barely grazing his skin. And his hands, slowly, slowly shifting downward and inward.

And then those whispered words: “Do you want to get out of here?”

He remembered that time with Chie in his bedroom, the uncertainty, the struggle. There was none of that now. There was only, “Yes.”

So they went, stumbling out of the club. There were no hotels nearby, or at least immediately apparent, but there was a small park with a stand of trees offering a semi-private spot. That was where they kissed.

Kissing Chie had always been pleasant enough, enjoyable even. “Pleasant” wasn’t the right word for this, the rush of desire that surged through him and lit every nerve in his body aflame. He reached for Katsuragi’s shirt, and found that it had snaps instead of buttons, snaps that came undone as he traced his finger down his chest. He reached the bottom and, their lips never losing contact, undid his belt. He could feel it, straining against Katsuragi’s pants, just as his was.

He dropped to his knees, pulled out Katsuragi’s dick, and placed his mouth over it.

The world shrank even further, down to only a few sensations. The pleasant fuzziness of the alcohol, Katsuragi’s fingers tangled in his hair, his moans, the bitter tang of his cock. How had he never known how badly he wanted this? How badly he wanted _him_?

“Hanamura,” Katsuragi groaned, tightening his grip. “Hanamura, I…”

He erupted into Yosuke’s mouth, semen flowing onto the back of his tongue and down his throat.

Yosuke coughed. He choked. He gagged. Semen sprayed everywhere, coating his lips and clinging to Katsuragi’s pubic hair as tiny white droplets.

The moment shattered, and everything became crystalline clear. He fell backwards, mortified, and scrambled to his feet.

“S-s-sorry,” he gasped, and ran. He wasn’t sure whether he was running toward the train station or not; the only direction that mattered was away.

“Hanamura, wait!”

He didn’t.

* * *

Yuu was already asleep by the time he got home, and was gone for club activities by the time he woke up. The text message alert blinked, frantic red and green.

He scrolled through about a half-dozen messages from Katsuragi but read none. He paced the apartment, turned the TV on and off, left and came back after walking halfway to the station, went to the convenience store and stared at the shelves before leaving without buying anything, flipped through three volumes of manga, and, finally laid down on the floor. That’s where he was when Yuu came home.

Yuu came in, saw him on the floor, and laid down perpendicular to him so that their bodies formed an “L” shape.

“Umm, what are you doing?” Yosuke said.

“You looked like could use some company.”

“You’re a weird guy, you know that?” Yosuke laughed a bit, then sighed. “I broke up with Chie.”

“I know.”

“How?”

“She told me. So did Yukiko, Rise, Kanji, Naoto, Teddie, and Dojima.”

“Word really does travel fast in that town, doesn’t it? Did they… did they mention why?”

“Chie wouldn’t tell me, and no one else seemed to know. I figured you’d tell me when you’re ready.”

“Yeah… Did she tell you she pushed me into the Samegawa?”

“She mentioned it. You must have really done something awful.”

He pictured Chie standing over him, body tense and quivering with rage and hurt, and how he had confirmed all her insecurities. “Pretty much the worst possible thing.”

“Welp.” Yuu moved to get up. “Where did I leave my katana?”

“No, stop!” To Yosuke’s relief, Yuu laid back down. “I want to tell you, I really do. It’s just…” He took a deep breath. If he couldn’t be honest with his partner, who could he be honest with? “I’m scared.”

Yuu didn’t say anything, just listened.

“I haven’t told anyone yet, other than Chie, but you’re my best friend. No, more than that, my partner. I should have told you before, and if you want me to leave and go back home, I’ll understand. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I couldn’t keep lying to herself or myself or everyone else. I was a huge asshole back and school, and...”

“Yosuke,” Yuu interrupted him. “Just say it.”

Here it was. Time to drop the bomb. “I’m gay.”

“Oh.” Yuu didn’t say anything for a minute, but it was just as well; Yosuke wouldn’t have been able to hear anything over the sound of his own heart pounding. “I’m bi.”

“Wait, what?!” Yosuke tried to sit up, but Yuu pulled him back down by the arm. “Um, okay. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It never seemed to matter. There were times where I thought it might, but nothing ever came of them.”

Another memory by the Samegawa came to Yosuke’s mind, this one two years old: sobbing over Saki-sempai, finally letting go and letting himself try to move on, and Yuu gently holding him until he ran out of tears. There was something else, something other than friendship, so powerful it frightened him until he pushed it aside and refused to acknowledge it.

“Wow. I’m an idiot.”

“No argument here.”

“Do you think… Should we…” He trailed off, letting the question hang in the air. He didn’t want to miss any more opportunities or make any more excuses. Everything he had never been able to admit himself was there, within reach. He just had to take that leap…

“I think it would be a bad idea.” It was like a wall rising in front of him mid-leap, forcing him to crash.

“ _Why_?” The word ripped out of him, almost a sob. It wasn’t _fair_ , he finally could let himself _want_ it.

Yuu took a deep breath, a habit he had when he had to say more than two sentences at a time. “Chie and I broke up because of distance. There’s only so much time in a day, and I couldn’t live my life here, with my school and clubs and friends, and give her the attention she deserved. It wasn’t good for either of us. It wouldn’t be any different for the two of us.”

Yuu was right, of course. He always was. “Right, right. We’ll just stay how we were. Partners. Platonic partners. Nothing will change.” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but he suspected he didn’t entirely succeed.

“Maybe. Hey, what school were you trying to get into?”

“Tokai University.”

“That’s a good school. Are you sure you’re smart enough?”

Although he had asked himself the same thing many times over, being questioned made Yosuke’s pride flare. “Of course I am! Everybody just needs to have a little faith in me!”

“So prove it. Then we’ll see.”

Yosuke laughed a little. It amazed him how Yuu always knew exactly the right thing to say to motivate him. Just like that first time in the TV World, facing Shadow Yosuke. At least this time he didn’t get punched. “Yeah. We’ll see.”

They stayed like that for a time, staring at the ceiling, saying nothing. There was nothing left to say. Then Yosuke felt a hand on top of his, warm and callused and, more than anything else, comforting. He inhaled as every cell in his body jangled pleasantly.

“We’ll see,” Yuu said again.

* * *

Yosuke returned home the following day. His parents were livid, of course - on top of his disappearance, Ms. Okamura had called to let them know how many classes he missed. After a prolonged bout of shouting and threats that the neighbors would undoubtedly gossip about, his punishment was determined to be thus:

  1. Janitorial shifts at Junes until further notice;

  2. Any and all income would go toward paying him back for the cram school sessions he had ditched;

  3. Time outside of class or work would be spent studying on his own or with a tutor, also his responsibility to pay for, until his test scores were deemed satisfactory;

  4. If he skipped another class or shift, his scooter would be confiscated and sold.




He accepted his sentence without complaint or protest. He shocked his parents with his renewed scholastic vigor, doubly so when his tutor, a cheerful graduate student from Okina, told them he was “a bright young man” and rated his chances of getting into Tokai as average, “maybe even slightly higher”. It took ten weeks for him to catch up and get the keys to his scooter back. The first thing he did was text everyone, “FREEDOM!!” Everyone except Chie, that is.

His elation lasted exactly thirty seconds, which was how long it took him to remember he was still scheduled for a full shift at Junes the next day.

He decided to celebrate on his own and treat himself to a sizzling hot plate of steak from the food court. When he sat down to eat it, a voice behind him asked, “Is that for me? You shouldn’t have. Oh wait, yes you should have”

He turned around to find everyone gathered behind him. Including Chie.

“Last time I saw you, you pushed me in the river,” he complained as she sat down next to him. The others all took seats around the table as well.

“You deserved it,” she said. She slid his plate in front of herself and plucked the fork from his hand. “In fact, you owe me at least four more. I’ll be happy to accept payment either in full or in installments. It’s up to you.”

“You’re going to eat five steaks at once? Wait, I don’t owe you anything!”

“Breaking a girl’s heart is a very serious offense,” Yukiko said gravely.

“Worth at least ten steaks, in my opinion,” Rise chimed in.

“Wait, what?”

“A reasonable punishment for playing with a maiden’s feelings,” Naoto agreed.

“Maiden my ass! Who here is a maiden?”

Chie turned red. “Fifteen steaks! Keep going and I’ll make it twenty.”

Yukiko started to giggle. “You should do it, Yosuke! I want to see Chie try to eat twenty steaks.” She shook with barely withheld laughter. “By the time you’re done, you’ll be shaped like Teddie’s bear suit!”

Kanji laid a hand on Yosuke’s shoulder. “Give up while you’re ahead, man. Women will just keep teaming up against you. You can’t win.”

“Please, I don’t want girl advice from you.”

“I don’t know, Yosuke, he’s making a good point. You should listen to him,” Rise said.

Yosuke stared at the spot on the table where his steak used to be. _I should tell them_ , he thought. _They deserve to know my true self._ “Besides, it’s not like I broke up with her because I didn’t like her,” he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“Hey, you want some udon?” said Chie, and tried to get up so fast she tripped over the bench. “I’ll go get you a bowl. You know, to make up for the steak I took. My treat. Be right back!”

The others stared after her, then turned back to Yosuke. “So why did you break up with her?” Rise said, and though her tone was friendly enough, something in it made Yosuke’s skin crawl.

“It’s not so much that I don’t like Chie that,” he took a deep breath, “I don’t like any girls. Not like that.”

Everyone was silent for an excruciating moment. Then, they all began to talk at once.

“Wait, seriously?”

“I knew it!”

“Hah, so that was what you were trying to tell me!”

“No wonder Chie pushed you in the river…”

Naoto just scowled and slipped a 5,000 yen bill into Kanji’s hand.

Yosuke was still waiting for them to quiet down when Chie came back carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of udon. “You told them?” she asked, quiet enough that no one else could hear her over the hubbub. Some broth sloshed out of the bowl as she placed it in front of him.

“Yeah. Thanks, Chi- Satonaka-san.”

“Oh come on, if you get all formal on me now, it’ll never stop being weird between us.”

He gave her a sidelong look. “Does that mean you’ve forgiven me?”

She snorted with disdain. “Not yet! You still owe me twenty steaks.”

“Ugh… you’re not going to let that go, are you?”

“And miss out on meat? Yeah right!”

“You’re never going to catch a guy with that attitude AND that haircut. Wait, you cut your hair!”

Chie ran a hand through her hair, which was even shorter than it had been in school. “Are you seriously just noticing this now? Oh, and don’t think I cut it because you dumped me. The long hair was getting in the way at work, so I chopped it off.” She fiddled with the ends. “You don’t think it makes me look too boyish, do you? Yukiko said it looked good, but Rise thinks I should grow it out a little.”

Yosuke smiled, but decided not to take the opening to antagonize her. “Nah, it looks pretty cute.”

Rise snapped to attention. “How would you know, Yosuke? I say we call up Yuu-sempai and ask him! He’s the only guy here who’s opinion on this matters.”

“What matters is that Chie likes it,” Yukiko said, setting off another noisy debate.

“You’re okay with all this?” Chie asked under her breath.

“Yeah,” Yosuke said. “I actually feel like there’s a big load off my chest. You know, like how it feels after facing your Shadow self. There’s just one thing left bothering me.”

“What?”

“Do you think we’ll be okay?”

“You really did hurt me, Yosuke. It’s going to take some time.” Despite this, she smiled. “But yeah, I think eventually we’ll be okay. Just as long as you get me those steaks.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tokai is a university in Tokyo, ranked about 40th in the nation.
> 
> Ms. Okamura is named after a friend of mine, but has the opposite personality
> 
> Shinjuku-nichome is the traditional gay district in Tokyo.
> 
> Katsuragi is a character from the canon prequel manga, "The Magician", a friend from Tokyo who Yosuke keeps in touch with for a while after moving to Inaba and pretty obviously has an unacknowledged crush on. I decided he should go to the university I did a semester abroad at just for funsies.


End file.
